Surviving the Coming Zombie Apocalypse

Hollywood would have us believe we are all headed for certain extinction. We risk being blown to bits by nuclear warheads, rogue comets and asteroids, hunted and killed by aliens, frozen to death by an impending ice age, drowned and smashed by tidal waves, swallowed by earthquakes and zombiefied by toxic spills.

Thankfully Hollywood also thoughtfully provided the roadmaps for recovery embedded in the scripts of the movies themselves. The solution to run around your neighborhood screaming and dying in highly creative ways, or else die in highly impressive numbers, until highly paid American celebrities lead a team of highly trained Americans to our rescue.

To those who have seen the fundamental error depicted in the last 2 paragraphs (we should be running around in Raffles Place, not in our neighborhood) its time to take matters in our own hands! Having sat through an immensely entertaining private screening of Shaun of the Deadin our office, I subsequently stumbled upon the ultimate DIY solution to repelling any such attacks of walking gangrene:

The Zombie Survival Guidelooks to be a hilarious spoof of survivalist books that goes into such detail as to what to wear (tight fitting clothes) and where to hide (definitely NOT the Winchester Pub) when the evil dead come knocking. Never mind that it was written by the SON of highly paid American Celebrity Mel Brooks..